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From Rumpelstiltskin and the Case of the Missing Research Grants.

At the “Science for Profit” fair. 

Scott Who are all these people? Beggars?

Matthias You could say that, sire. They used to be scientists… now trying to be entrepreneurs, as was passed in the latest bi..howard.

Scott           Entreproonures. Good. Good. That one doesn’t look like an entreprenure.

Matthias She was an ABC journalist.

Scott Marvellous that they’re doing something useful now. And you, greetings, hardworking peasant. And what are you doing with that?

Tory     Feeding the populace. It’s something I read in the bible about loaves and fishes.

Scott    The Loaves and the Fishes! I love that story! I know I’ve said,“The bible is not a policy document, and people shouldn’t treat it like one”, but, by Jiminy, there’s lots of good ideas in there and this strikes me as a particularly fruitful one. You know, my dear, Jesus was a great inspiration to me. A true commercial traveller. A profit! In both senses of the word. Ah yes, remember what he did to that crazy man who buried his money! Hallelujah brother. (speak in tongues). Tell me more, my dear. What’s your business plan?

Tory    First I’ve got to get the product right. It looks like Jesus just changed the basic molecular structure of the bread and of the fish!

Scott   I believe it was a miracle, actually.

Tory   I agree, but how did he do it? It could be an early example of genetic modification. I could use it in my research if I could just figure out how he did it.

Scott    All very interesting, my dear but what’s your bottom line?

Tory Sorry?

Scott    The bottom line! The moolah! The filthy lucre! The pieces of silver! How much does this loaf cost and this… fish?

Tory    It’s tofu. Fish farming is unconscionable. I’m not going to sell it, I’m going to give it away.

Scott    Have you learnt nothing? Guards! Take her away. She needs to go to the CEPSI!